Have you come across the book The Four Agreements? The Four Agreements by Ruiz are highly effective rules we can employ to live our lives, improve our bonds with others, and boost our satisfaction and health and fitness.
These are Ruiz's The Four Agreements.
The First Agreement: Always be Impeccable With Your Word.
This means steering clear of rumors, lies, empty assurances and other manners we bring about distress with our words. Speak only what you intend, and be aware that you can cause damage if you're not conscientious with every word you state.
This is a remarkable advice. Many individuals don't understand the power of their words and see the problem that can be caused with speaking recklessly, thoughtlessly or aggressively. Most people are cognizant that screaming at someone may be uncomfortable to them, but subtle little digs at them, or gossip at their backs, can negatively affect others more than we realize, and in damaging them, we hurt ourselves.
The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally.
This 'agreement' is concerned with understanding how other people's attitudes are a mirror of them only. Whenever somebody gives us opinions about us, it's important to remember that no feedbacks are truly objective; we all carry our biases, 'filters' through which we see the world, and the like. For this, we should never take anyone else's view of us or our actions as totally correct; once a person states something about us (or anything else), they're actually saying a thing about themselves and how they view the world.
This is fantastic instruction for making us feel finer, but take it with a grain of salt. Even though everybody has their biases and there is no such thing as true objectivity, by never taking whatever thing personally, people can really limit their ability to recognize their own negative patterns and biased thoughts, and work on creating more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking.
The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions.
A great deal of stress is generated when people assume they can read what other people are thinking without verifying with them. Understanding that other individuals might have separate motivations for their actions, even significantly varying world views, and bearing in mind to really try to understand other individuals and discuss these motivations before jumping to conclusions concerning their behavior, can go a long way toward avoiding interpersonal conflict.
Nevertheless, taking this recommendation to an extreme may cause people to disregard their intuition about people, or common sense concerning a person's behavior that's damaging. It can also open people up to manipulation if they train themselves to believe a person's explanation of undesirable behavior rather than judging the behavior on its own. (Example: not 'assuming' they're being cheated on if their partner is showing erratic behavior and the common hints of infidelity, but vehemently denies wrongdoing.) This one is a helpful suggestion, but should be tempered by inner wisdom and common sense.
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best.
With this, Ruiz implies to do the best you can at any given time, and you'll have no regrets. On certain days, your best isn't as good as other days, and that is okay. So long as you put honest attempt into life, you will have nothing to be ashamed of, and will not 'beat yourself up' over a less-than-stellar performance in retrospect.
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